My mother emailed this to me today and it made me laugh.

The Girl in a Whirl by ‘Dr. Sue’ (a.k.a. Vickie Gunther)

Look at me, look at me, look at me now! You could do what I do If you only knew how. I study the scriptures one hour each day; I bake, I upholster, I scrub, and I pray. I always keep all the commandments completely; I speak to my little ones gently and sweetly. I help in their classrooms! I sew all they wear! I drive them to practice! I cut all their hair! I memorize names of the General Authorities; I focus on things to be done by priorities. I play the piano! I bless with my talents! My toilets all sparkle! My checkbooks all balance! Each week every child gets a one-on-one date; I attend all my meetings (on time! Never late!) I’m taking a class on the teachings of Paul, But that is not all! Oh, no. That is not all . I track my bad habits ’til each is abolished; Our t-shirts are ironed! My toenails are polished! Our family home evenings are always delightful; The lessons I give are both fun and insightful. I do genealogy faithfully, too. It’s easy to do all the things that I do! I rise each day early, refreshed and awake; I know all the names of each youth in my stake! I read to my children! I help all my neighbors! I bless the community, too, with my labors. I exercise and I cook menus gourmet; My visiting teaching is done the first day! (I also go do it for someone who missed hers. It’s the least I can do for my cherished ward sisters.) I chart resolutions and check off each goal; I seek each “lost lamb” on my Primary roll. I can home-grown produce each summer and fall. But that is not all! Oh, no. That is not all . I write in my journal! I sing in the choir! Each day, I write “thank you’s” to those I admire. My sons were all Eagles when they were fourteen! My kids get straight A’s! And their bedrooms are clean! I have a home business to help make some money; I always look beautifully groomed for my honey. I go to the temple at least once a week; I change the car’s tires! I fix the sink’s leak! I grind my own wheat and I bake all our bread; I have all our meals planned out six months ahead. I make sure I rotate our two-years’ supply; My shopping for Christmas is done by July! These things are not hard; ’tis good if you do them; You can if you try! Just set goals and pursue them! It’s easy to do all the things that I do! If you plan and work smart, you can do them all, too! It’s easy!” she said and then she dropped dead.

I have to admit I do a lot of those things, and now I am waiting to drop dead. My nails are not polished… that must be what is saving me!